All things sex and kink
You’re craving connection, but as the moment comes, your body betrays you and shuts down. You freeze, leave your body or feel nothing at all. The more you push through, the worse it gets. This isn’t just in your head, this is your nervous system telling you something isn’t right. The annoying thing… you want this! You want to feel close and connected to the person you are with. This feels so out of your control.
Talking openly about your sex life can feel like an absolute emotional minefield – judgement, desire, shame, excitement, fear, exploration, and confusion. The right counselling offers a safe space to slow this down.
Together, we can explore what sexuality means for you Vs what you were taught to was meant to mean, how desire shows up in your body and relationships, and how to approach sex, intimatcy, kink or BDSM in ways that feel safe, grounded, and aligned with your values.
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Key Benefits
- Finally understanding why your body and relationships do what they do
- Learning to work with your body instead of fighting it
- A kink-aware, sex-positive therapy space
- Support with painful sex, low desire, difficulty with arousal or orgasm
- Feeling less alone with something you’ve never been able to say out loud
- Building intimacy that feels safe – in your body and with others
- No assumptions that kink equals trauma, and no denial when trauma is present
- Support to explore desire, consent, boundaries, and safety
- Help untangling shame, fear, or internal conflict around sexuality
- Therapy that moves at a pace that actually feels safe for you
What this work can support
Making sense of desire and identity
Understanding what you’re drawn to, and why, without judgement.
Navigating consent, boundaries, and communication
Exploring how to ask for what you want, say no, renegotiate, and stay connected with yourself and others.
When trauma and sexuality overlap
Supporting healing where past experiences of trauma impact intimacy, arousal, power, or trust, without shaming your sexuality.
Methods
kinkWISE approach
At the heart of the kinkWISE approach is a commitment to promoting kink education that emphasises safety, consent, and empowerment.
By creating a non-judgemental space for conversation, I encourage experimentation
with different kinks, fetishes, and roles. I also prioritise endurance and patience as key components of the journey towards discovering new desires and partners.
Ultimately, I believe that wisdom and knowledge are the cornerstones of a healthy and fulfilling kink experience.
Depending on your needs, sessions may also draw on EMDR, parts work, attachment-based therapy, and body-based approaches.
Who this is for
This work may be supportive if you:
- Feel like sex is dirty, not for you, or something you’re not allowed to want
- Feel conflicted, ashamed, or unsure about your desires
- Have never felt safe enough to talk about any of this with anyone
- Experience pain during sex, vaginismus, or difficulty with arousal
- Struggle with low or no desire and can’t figure out why
- Have never been able to orgasm, or have lost the ability to
- Find sex physically works but feels completely disconnected from you
- Shut down or disconnect during sex and don’t know why
- Sex with your partner has faded and neither of you know how to talk about it
- Want intimacy but something always gets in the way
- Not sure how to talk to your partner about sex
- Your partner is struggling with their own shame, porn use, or sexual difficulties and you don’t know how to help
- Carry sexual trauma that shows up in your body, your relationships, or your sex life
- Are curious, new or experienced about kink or BDSM and want a therapist who understands without judgment or needing to justify your lifestyle
- Want support navigating consent, boundaries, or communication with partners
Experienced kinksters
If you’re already part of the lifestyle, you don’t need to explain yourself here.
We don’t assume your kink or sexuality is connected to trauma. We understand that consent is the foundation and that abuse can still occur within these spaces. Knowing the difference matters, and we get that.
We’re familiar with SSC, RACK, PRICK, D/s, M/s, DDlg, MDlb, littles, middles, pet play, and the full range of kinks, fetishes, and the stigma that still surrounds them.
You won’t need to educate us. You can just talk.
Questions people often bring to therapy
These are all welcome here:
- How do I explore kink safely?
- How do I talk to my partner about what I like?
- How do I know what I want, or don’t want?
- Can I change my mind?
- How do consent and safewords actually work?
- Am I normal for liking this?
- How do trauma and desire interact?
We also have a library of blog posts answering some of these.
A few helpful notes if you’re new to kink and BDSM
A kink is an activity you enjoy. It does not have to be sexual, hard-core, or painful. A fetish is something someone needs to be able to orgasm.
BDSM = Bondage and discipline, Dominance and submission, Sadism and masochism. You do not need to submit or dominate someone to play with kink. Kink with partners not in a Dominant/submissive dynamic are known as Top and bottom or play partners.
50 Shades of Grey jumped BDSM and kink into the mainstream and out of the shadows. Therapy is a place to explore what it means for you — without performance, shame, or having to explain yourself.
